Steve Flatt Profile

blankblankWe all want to be confident. No wonder! Confident people are popular, they get noticed and usually, one way or another, they get what they want.
"Bully for them", you may well be thinking, "but what about me? I can never be like that - confidence is like curly hair, something you are born with". Which is true, but it is not just lucky few who have it. We are ALL born confident.

So why do we lose confidence as we grow older? Psychologists have known for a long time how important our childhood is in forming social skills later in life. As children we are told to control ourselves and so many of us grow up unable to show how we really feel about things or people. On the other hand, perhaps you have always thought of yourself as a very confident person, but do not assume that you are just because you can hold your own at parties. If you ever find yourself:-
  • Crying for no reason...
  • Shouting at your friends or family when it is unjustified...
  • Avoiding people you used to know...
  • Letting your appearance slide...
  • Being scared to initiate a conversation because you are sure you have got nothing to say to the other person...THEN BEWARE! A confidence crisis could be looming.
The secret to regaining the confidence we were all born with is to build up is self-esteem and that's a hard thing to define.
Most of us who are less than 100 per cent confident fall into two main groups:-
Those of us who are generally happy with ourselves, but have suffered a temporary setback that "robbed" us of our self-confidence. Perhaps you have just been made redundant or had a broken romance.
Or else we are very confident in some areas of our lives (a real live wire, say at work) but a mass of nerves in others (men walk all over you).
If you recognise yourself, help is at hand.

What is the Problem?
First pin point the areas where you would like to be confident and that are going to need some work. Make a list with the headings:-
  • Looks
  • Personality
  • Family
  • Other relationships
  • Work
Write down all the positive and negative things about yourself against each of these headings. Think about the negative ones, For instance, if you have written "weak" against family - why? You may realise that it is because you are fed up always giving into your mother, partner or kids. Okay, you cannot expect to change overnight but think of how you can say "no" instead of "yes" in a small way and eventually you will have the confidence to assert yourself more often.

Keep this list in your bag and revise it regularly. Soon you will find yourself striking things off the negative list and adding things to the positive side and when you are feeling like a confidence boost, skim over the positive list and remember all the great things about yourself!

Next time you feel bad about something, try a little more self-analysis. Ask yourself why you feel bad. Was it down to your actions? Or somebody elses'? Does it happen often? What triggered things off? Write it all down - it will help you focus on your feelings. Apply this to everything, from not giving up your seat on the bus to that nice old lady, to having a blazing row with your partner. You will see a pattern developing in the things that bring you down, and although, again, you cannot expect miracles overnight, you will start thinking about areas where you need to change yourself and where it would make you happier to assert yourself. Eventually, you will become more confident in dealing with other people.

For more help and advice on building your confidence please get in touch.


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